BBQ season
It's officially here...BBQ season. Every Spring the rituals begin. Testosterone laden men go outside, create fire and roast fresh meat to satisfy a primal urge. Don't judge us, we can't help it...it's who we are. Many times we are encumbered by those unafflicted by primal dispositions who spoil the sanctity of the ritual with nuisances like salads breads and other vegetables.
Since I became single, I've returned to my roots and conduct the BBQ as it is supposed to be. The rules are simple.
1. Meat only at the BBQ
2. He who creates the fire and wields the tong is in charge.
3. Beverages must come from a can.
4. Red meat must never be cooked past medium. Ever.
I often get asked for advice on how to handle difficult BBQ problems. Here are some examples.
1. What if a guest requests that their steak be cooked "well done" in obvious violation of rule # 4?
I get asked this from time to time and the answer is simple. Cook it til medium and stick a paper flag on a toothpick that says "well" and serve. You should also have a few "medium well" flags handy just in case.
2. When I'm cooking baby back ribs, the small ribs at the end always get overcooked and dry before the rest of the rack is ready. Any tips?
Again, the answer is right before your eyes. Because the riblets at the end are smaller, they cook faster than the rest. When they turn golden brown cut them from the rack and eat them right off the grill. As the keeper of the tong it is your right to sample riblets, chicken wings and broken off burger pieces as they would otherwise be burnt or lost.
3. Rule #1 is pretty clear in it's "Meat Only" doctrine. How does this affect my choice of marinade, cooking sauces and condiments?
A purist would not allow the use of vegetable or vegetable by-products in sauces or condiments. I believe thats going a bit too far. Theres nothing wrong with using a tomato based marinade or cooking sauce. Technically, garlic and onions would violate this rule as well, but there is a loophole in the rule. Basically, as long at it has direct contact with meat during the grilling or serving phase of the BBQ, it's Kosher. This loophole also is why we can BBQ a shish kabob or melt Gorgonzola on a Ribeye with a clear conscience.
4. I have a friend that always brings a couple frozen veggie burgers and asks me to grill them for her. How do I handle a delicate situation like this?
First of all, there is no such thing as a burger made from vegetables. It's a processed soybean patty. Secondly, you must use caution in how you react to a situation like this. My favorite tact is to act casual like nothing has happened. Place the soybean patties onto the grill. When she turns her back sneak a strip of bacon (cut in half) under the patty. This solution serves double duty. It not only brings the grill into compliance but it also adds actual flavor to the soybean compound.
5. What about grills. My Dad always used a charcoal grill, but I like my propane model.
Ahh yes, the age old conflict of gas vs coal. Clearly a gas grill is more convenient than a charcoal grill. The problem lies in the act of creating the fire itself. In a technical sense, turning a knob and clicking a piezo starter does qualify as creating fire, but it will surely lead you into perdition. Only by dousing wood coal with a flammable liquid and striking a match to it are you truly a creator of fire. Also, you can't use wood chips to add that smokey flavor with a gas grill.
In closing I'd like to leave you with this sage advice from Leroy at Bubba's BBQ shack.
Always remember to wash your hands after dry rubbing a brisket or you'll get pepper in your eyes.
Since I became single, I've returned to my roots and conduct the BBQ as it is supposed to be. The rules are simple.
1. Meat only at the BBQ
2. He who creates the fire and wields the tong is in charge.
3. Beverages must come from a can.
4. Red meat must never be cooked past medium. Ever.
I often get asked for advice on how to handle difficult BBQ problems. Here are some examples.
1. What if a guest requests that their steak be cooked "well done" in obvious violation of rule # 4?
I get asked this from time to time and the answer is simple. Cook it til medium and stick a paper flag on a toothpick that says "well" and serve. You should also have a few "medium well" flags handy just in case.
2. When I'm cooking baby back ribs, the small ribs at the end always get overcooked and dry before the rest of the rack is ready. Any tips?
Again, the answer is right before your eyes. Because the riblets at the end are smaller, they cook faster than the rest. When they turn golden brown cut them from the rack and eat them right off the grill. As the keeper of the tong it is your right to sample riblets, chicken wings and broken off burger pieces as they would otherwise be burnt or lost.
3. Rule #1 is pretty clear in it's "Meat Only" doctrine. How does this affect my choice of marinade, cooking sauces and condiments?
A purist would not allow the use of vegetable or vegetable by-products in sauces or condiments. I believe thats going a bit too far. Theres nothing wrong with using a tomato based marinade or cooking sauce. Technically, garlic and onions would violate this rule as well, but there is a loophole in the rule. Basically, as long at it has direct contact with meat during the grilling or serving phase of the BBQ, it's Kosher. This loophole also is why we can BBQ a shish kabob or melt Gorgonzola on a Ribeye with a clear conscience.
4. I have a friend that always brings a couple frozen veggie burgers and asks me to grill them for her. How do I handle a delicate situation like this?
First of all, there is no such thing as a burger made from vegetables. It's a processed soybean patty. Secondly, you must use caution in how you react to a situation like this. My favorite tact is to act casual like nothing has happened. Place the soybean patties onto the grill. When she turns her back sneak a strip of bacon (cut in half) under the patty. This solution serves double duty. It not only brings the grill into compliance but it also adds actual flavor to the soybean compound.
5. What about grills. My Dad always used a charcoal grill, but I like my propane model.
Ahh yes, the age old conflict of gas vs coal. Clearly a gas grill is more convenient than a charcoal grill. The problem lies in the act of creating the fire itself. In a technical sense, turning a knob and clicking a piezo starter does qualify as creating fire, but it will surely lead you into perdition. Only by dousing wood coal with a flammable liquid and striking a match to it are you truly a creator of fire. Also, you can't use wood chips to add that smokey flavor with a gas grill.
In closing I'd like to leave you with this sage advice from Leroy at Bubba's BBQ shack.
Always remember to wash your hands after dry rubbing a brisket or you'll get pepper in your eyes.